8 Temmuz 2012 Pazar

"mature" or " married"



how funny, this was written in 2011, and never published only because I was not sure what I was saying, maybe I am now..still with a biggg question mark in my mind, I know that I haven't changed much by turning 22 to 23.


well...don't know where to start, but definitely should write, plus didn't pick the language myself, it just come from inside, not that I am better on English, it just comes...last days were less depressive than last months fortunately :) not enough to smile but still better, even so my mind is brilliant on finding the negative to obsess as it found the issue of my changing friendships and getting old. I admit that I am 22! and even that's about to be over, but comeeee on, time pass so damn fast, while I am typing I stare on my fingers, they are pretty much the same they were 5 years ago although my body and face changed a bit for sure, so my mind and heart? No way...   they are not mature yet...they gained so much, they suffered enough but no! Never enough to be a young adult!!! a working young lady who is not allowed to wear jeans on business time... come on that can't be me, I am supposed to stay as the student who is crazy to learn, explore and try. Hours of chatting with mates, reading till tears come from my tired eyes, watching movies on any time, praying, crying etc. there all about to change...come on all these mates they loved spending time with! Yeah most of they are now grown, and well both happily and sadly mostly engaged, some married and lots of long term related...and I am the only one determined to stay single for looonger, This just makes me feel very bad sometimes, because I have to share them (maybe even lost) with the "loved" ones. I have to watch the time to call, never wait for a quick answer to an email, can't meet on weekends, or after work, yep they have changed a big time... will I change? Will I turn to be one of my friends, who I made some serious fun about. Who knows? time will show and I will live...

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